by Pierre le Roux
In the next couple of weeks hubby and I will be completing the final phase of our adoption screening process. We are super excited to get it done and dusted and for the waiting game to begin. Well, not really. I hate waiting and I have been known to lack the virtue that is patience. But I am working on that. And with working on that I mean I am trying not to interfere with processes in an effort to speed them up and I am trying to let things happen naturally.
However, to let go and let God is not something that is in my nature and being a bit of a control freak burdened with optimism and a sense of purpose, I tend to be proactive to the point of extreme annoyance. Just ask my husband; he has had to put up with my shit for fifteen years. He gets me and understands many of my eccentricities and has the patience of a guy called Job from the Bible. I had to Google the last bit and the search term was “who was that patient guy from the Bible”. I am embarrassed to say that I never paid much attention in Bible class. But I digress…
Last week hubby and I went in to our adoption agency to write our psychometric tests. We were scheduled to take these tests for two hours. We ended up completing them in less time. There were only two tests and the first one focused mainly on our emotional states, how we deal with stress, dependency issues, socialization, self-image and possible pathology among others.
The second test dealt solely with our marriage covering everything from our sex life, finances, perceived roles, children, religion, conflict and family. I think one of the reasons we finished the second test so fast is because we did not really have to sit and ponder over the questions or the answers. We know each other well enough by now not to have to speculate over what the other would do. Our marriage is solid and, for the most part, I believe that we are able to deal with issues, if and when they arise, in a mature and constructive manner. After all we have honest and open conversations about issues and trust and respect each other enough so that we don’t have any secrets from one another.
Don’t get me wrong. We do not have the perfect marriage by any means, as I don’t think one exists. Being human we are all flawed and make mistakes. It’s normal. But having been a spectator to some other people’s marriages I am truly lucky to be in one that is in such a good place. Sure there are things that we can work on but there always will be – it’s called growth.
As for our individual tests that is a whole other ball game. There were questions like “Have you ever felt like you wanted to kill yourself? Do you think people are watching you? Do you sometimes need to take something to cope?” Going through the test hubby at one point said “Paranoid much?” and we both had a giggle. But, then there were the other questions that caused me to feel rather confused. For instance “Are you sometimes scared of your own thoughts or ideas?” and I had to sit there and think about it. Sure sometimes when I am driving and a taxi cuts me off I imagine it veering off the road and bursting into flames. But does that qualify?
Also, I have been in boring meetings before and imagined how cool it would be if we could reenact a scene from the Hitchcock film The Birds. But then I would think about all the poor birds and how they would die a cruel senseless death all because some asshole in the meeting was laboring a point to death. Then I would think that I should really focus on the problem. I would then imagine the guy who is still laboring the same point but this time with subtitles explaining how he is an idiot and how he loves his own voice.
Finally, I would get bored and eat some breath mints. Sure, my thoughts can be scary and super judgmental at times but that is called being imaginative. Having a lively imagination is what enables me to get through some rather dreary shit and helps me take a break from analytic thinking and keeps me creative. Without creativity my soul would wither and die. You don’t want my soul to die? Do you? If you do then you are an asshole! And this was basically my train of thought throughout answering most of the questions on my first psychometric test.
Next week we have our personal interviews with our Social Worker where the results of our first psychometric tests will be discussed. I am really looking forward to that. You know, so that I can be told how completely normal or completely abnormal I am. It should be fun. Then after that we have our home visit where our Social Worker will make sure that our home is child safe.
Child safe is like animal safe just cleaner, more restricted with pool nets, child safe drawer locks and making sure there are no sharp knives lying around or razor blades or crack pipes on the carpets. Personally, I believe that if we could bunny proof our house then child proofing will be a breeze. Then after what I believe will be a thorough inspection, our marriage psychometric tests will be discussed with us. This too should be interesting. Mostly for our social worker I presume.
To be honest, it feels like we have been busy with the adoption process now for ages but in reality it has only been three months. We are also not sure how long it will be before our placement will be made. I firmly believe that as adoptive parents we don’t choose our child but that the child finds and chooses us. It is weird to explain, but I feel in my heart that the right child will find us. It might be weeks, it might be months or, god forbid, it might even take years but when it happens we will be a perfect fit. We will then be a family of three. (Well technically we will be a family of eleven but I was told that I should not count our animals because “normal” people don’t do things like that).
Till next time.