Am I a Homophobe? Your Latent Homophobia and You
It sounds like an easy enough question, but, like racism, homophobia is rarely self-diagnosed (“I’m not a homophobe, I watch “Modern Family!”) While other people may see homophobes all around them, the homophobe, himself, is likely to see a well-adjusted, reasonable human being who just happens to think that gays are hell-bound demon spawn.
Fortunately, a few easy questions can root out the problem. If you have a friend, co-worker or family member struggling with homophobia, have them take this simple five-question test. But don’t stand too close! Homophobes, when angered, are quite dangerous.
Homophobia and You, the Test:
1) True or False: When I see a couple in love, I feel moderate approval or intense hate, depending on what each person looks like.
ANSWER: If you said “true,” you are a homophobe. (Bonus revelation: you may also be a racist, a xenophobe, or an a-hole!)
2) You are the father (or mother) of two sons. One day, one of your two sons tells you that he is gay. Which son do you love more?
ANSWER: If you said “the heterosexual son,”“the straight son,” or the“not-gay son,” you are a homophobe (and a crappy parent).
3) You are reading a magazine and you come across an advertisement with a lesbian couple. Do you:
a) Avert your eyes so that the sin of their union does not poison your mind
b) Write to the magazine’s editor to report your disappointment
c) Rip out the page and burn it in effigy
d) Cancel your subscription to the magazine
e) None of the above
ANSWER: If you said “A,” “B,”“C,” or “D,” you are not only a homophobe, you are an idiot.
4) True of False: I can control my homosexual urges by praying to Jesus.
ANSWER: If you answered “true,” you are suffering from severe homophobia. (“Amen” is also an answer indicative of homophobia.)
5) The CEO of Chick-fil-A admits that his business is built on the Biblical principle that marriage is between a man and a woman. Do you:
a) Visit Chick-fil-A and order as much chicken as possible
b) Boycott the restaurant
c) What is Chick-Fil-A?
ANSWER: If you answered “A,” you are homophobic.
If you answered any of the five questions correctly, you’re a flaming homophobe. But all is not lost. To remedy your homophobia, consider:
a) Re-reading the parts of the Bible that mention acceptance and love
b) Seeking weekly (or daily) therapy, as needed
c) Slowly approaching a real-life homosexual from at least 20 feet away, and then gradually getting closer over time until you are in hand-shaking distance
d) All of the above
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