by Leah Waldron
Psalm 78:18: They tested God in their heart by demanding the food they craved.
By selling fried chicken sandwiches and carb-laden sides, the fast food restaurant Chick-Fil-A seeks to “glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us.” Well said, if you want people to eat until they reach a God-like state of euphoria (no one said Chick-Fil-A tasted bad, just homophobe-y). But if CEO Dan Cathy wants to get all Biblical on our asses about gay marriage, I have to ask: how does the fast food chain measure up to the laws in the rest of the Bible?
The Big No-No: Pork (Leviticus 11:7-8, and hundreds and hundreds more):
Pork is outlawed throughout the Bible, but this little (piggy) fact is overlooked by America’s Christian-owned eateries. According to Chick-Fil-A’s online menu, the “Chargrilled Chicken Club Sandwich” comes with a couple of strips of applewood-smoked bacon. Oops. There is also a pork-filled smorgasbord on the breakfast menu, including the appropriately-titled “Bacon Platter” and the “Bacon, Egg and Cheese Biscuit.” Compared to the meager number of times gay marriage is mentioned in the Bible, the “no pork rule” is pretty hard to miss. But breaking God’s rules sure is tasty!
Cutting Facial Hair (Leviticus 19:27):
According to Chick-Fil-A’s dress code, which is published online, all you need to flip chicken sandwiches for a living is a “professional dress and appearance.” But what about the Bible’s super-strict un-cut facial hair requirement? Shouldn’t all male Chick-Fil-A employees have unrounded facial beards?
No Fat (Leviticus 3:17):
With the exception of about five menu items, every Chick-Fil-A offering contains fat, an animal byproduct that is strictly forbidden in the Bible. I guess all of America’s fast food restaurants are kind of screwed on that one.
No Gluttony (Proverbs 23:20-21 and hundreds and hundreds more):
This is a tricky one, but I think its safe to say that however you define gluttony, Chick-Fil-A is guilty of it. A single Chick-Fil-A “Chicken Sandwich”—the simplest item on the menu and by far the least complicated—contains more than half of the American Heart Association’s recommended daily allowance of sodium (1400 milligrams out of a daily 2,400) and 16 grams of saturated fat, which is 100 percent of the AHA’s recommended allowance of saturated fat for a single day (for me, anyway, a woman aged 31 to 50 years old). Add a side of fries to that, and you are getting into serious gluttony/heart problem territory (thou shalt not kill?) Even more damning, when Chick-Fil-A opens a new restaurant, they offer an entire year of free meals to the first 100 people who camp out for the grand opening. The “First 100” promotion not only glorifies gluttony, it promotes it. Chick-Fil-A is not mecca, but you wouldn’t know it at a grand opening.
Starting Fights With Non-Christians (Romans 14:1):
No one likes a no-it-all, Bible-thumping CEO. Including, you may be surprised to learn, God. Romans 14:1 states: “As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions.” Well said, guy who wrote Romans.
Stoning Gluttonous, Stubborn Children Who Act Up (Deuteronomy 21:18-21):
When a child acts up because he is high on a sugar-filled peach shake, he is not stoned to death by the elderly men around him, which Deuteronomy recommends. And if a kid is going to act up, it’s in a fast food restaurant like Chick-Fil-A. Maybe it’s all that sugar in his honey mustard, large Coke and the chicken bun, itself. Or maybe the little glutton is just having a rough day.
Heavy Honey Consumption (Proverbs 25:16):
Who knew the Bible was also a health guide? According to Proverbs 25:16, too much honey is forbidden, and if you eat more than your share, you will “have your fill of it and vomit it.” Better stay away from that Chick-Fil-A honey mustard.
Surprisingly, Chick-Fil-A breaks nearly every Bible-related fast food rule. But hey, at least they are closed on Sunday and don’t believe in gay marriage. That ought to earn them a few points. So bon appetit, Chick-Fil-A. As a gay who is about to get married, I guess I’ll see you in hell!