Gays, it’s time we double-stuffed Oreos (and other fine Nabisco products) in our sexy, sexy mouths. If you really believe in gay equality, you can do more with an Oreo in your mouth than you can with a microphone to your lips. NOM (the National Organization for Marriage) has already created a Kraft boycott website. Americans everywhere are crumbling gay equality into a sugary, delicious mess, throwing out perfectly good packages of Oreos (and other fine Kraft products).
Won’t you, sitting at home and reading the internet with no Oreos in sight, make up the difference?
It only takes one, maybe two Oreos to really change the lives of a few million gays. If we all do our part (our “serving size” if you will), we can reverse the boycott and make Oreos the number one-selling cookie in America.
I know what you’re thinking. Oreos are a bit high in fat and preservatives, and those calories are no joking matter. But stop thinking about your ass for a moment.
Think about the contribution you’re making to society.
Don’t like Oreos? The beauty of a reverse-Oreo-boycott is that you don’t have to LIKE Oreos to buy a package. There are hundreds of things you can do with an Oreo—just use your imagination. Is a friend or family member’s birthday coming up? No one would turn down a dozen packages of Apocalypse-ready Oreos. Love making little kids smile? Send a package to your local Girl Scout group (they have to be tired of Thin Mints by now), or, if you really want to screw with people, send a package to your local boy scout troop.
Want to help the homeless AND the gays at the same time? Donate a package to your neighborhood shelter. Or, show up at a gay rights protest with a plate of Oreos and serve them like hors d’ oeuvres. Have a friend who is serving in the military? Thank them with a couple dozen packages of Oreos.
The Fourth of July is coming up. Attach a firecracker to a package of Oreos and blow it up in your yard, just to see what that will look like. I guarantee it will entertain. With every piece of Oreo that you pick out of your trees and grass, you’ll know that you made a difference in the life of a gay.
Gay America, the possibilities are endless. There’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s, but there are hundreds of right ways to NOT eat an Oreo.
So gays, do your part. Eat an Oreo or stuff one into someone else’s mouth.
Otherwise, NOM wins.